Bard Song

deep down in the dark
there's a bulette which some call a land shark
he's a ravenous predator
and his hide is thicker than armor
and I don't want to fight him today

I'm just a level one
bard who's a prostitue's son
and I don't want to fight him today

the town elder's insistent
that I go down into the dungeon
even though I told him
I couldn't kill a butterfly fluttering by
but my diplomacy skill isn't high

I'm just a level one
bard who can't convince anyone
'cause my diplomacy skill isn't high

so I entered the dungeon
where I was assailed
by a lonely goblin
my guitar couldn't even dent his chainmail
so I ran, I ran away

I'm just a level one
bard without even a weapon
so I ran, I ran away

I can't see a thing
I dropped my torch when I ran
I hear a loud rumbling
and, is that… a bulette eating my leg?
yes… yes it is...

I'm just a level one
bard who is not having fun
and a land shark ate my fuckin' leg.

Somehow I escaped
but I can't afford to pay
for a high level cleric
to cast a spell to return my leg
so my adventuring days are done

I'm just a level one
bard who's a prostitue's son
and my adventuring days are done